Communication is Essential

"You don't understand me."
I shift up the settee.
"You don't get me."
I wrap my arms around my knees.
"I don't know how to tell you ."
I've squeezed these words out.
"I haven't got the words."
Even these words exhaust me. 
"This conversation makes me feel sick."
But not you, I say desperately in my head.
"Please leave me alone."
Don't leave me - my insides scream.
"I'm better on my own."
That's not even what I meant.
"I don't want to feel guilty."
(of what I'm doing to you.)
"When I already feel this bad."
bad - doesn't do justice to the feeling.
"On my own, I won't hurt you."
It's the only answer I've got. 
"If I'm not there - you won't think of me."
This illogically just makes sense.
"I just need to get through."
I just need to get to the other side.